I can’t have sex.
This is due to two fantastically unavoidable circumstances. Firstly, in place of a coccyx, I now have a fiery ball of pain. I’m uncertain where it came from. All I know is it makes everything difficult.
Secondly, we’re down to Our Last Condom.
Obviously, a pair of solutions would be to visit a doctor and a pharmacy – some doctors may be able to help with both! However, doctors cost money.
I don’t have any of that. Not one bit.
I owe some of it. This isn’t entirely my fault: most of the owings are due to income-reducing requirements which I’d saved for and then had to spend on living when my last company closed down. That was last year. Money earned this year has simply been used to begin paying off those debts and topping up the living account.
I also owe a mechanic some money for some noise-reduction he did on our Mercedes. To be fair, he did do a bit more than that. I think he converted the noise to power, because that thing is unbelievably fast. So fast, I owe the police money too!
And it all just builds up. All those “stresses” as we call them. They’re not really stresses: they’re pRoblems with a capital are. Because there’s no job. There’s no knowing where money is coming from. There’s no guarantee that lunches will appear between breakfast and dinner on the same day. There’s no knowing whether estate agents will request we move, no knowing when debt collectors will come for what little we have.
And yes, all they can take are our material things. Just things. Just things I use on a daily basis to get through.
It’s horrible. I want to lie down and let life simply pass on until things get that little bit better. Because we always say “things will get better”.
But they won’t. We have to make them better.
And I don’t know if I can anymore.
One thing I do know. Just a little thing.
If things are the very worst they can be, then the only way forward is up. The only path available is better than where I stand now.
And, if things aren’t the very worst they can be, then there is still something for me to be thankful for.
That doesn’t make it any better. I still can’t have sex.I still have a sore tailbone. I still have no money. I still have no stability.
But I have hugs. I have kisses. I have a pillow. I have massages. I have TradeMe. I have experience. I have words. I have Killer Queen. And I know that things will always change.