“Don’t be sad.” She said, pulling her skirt straight. I shuffled over and She cuddled down on the edge of the bed. “I want you to have a happy day.”
I love shoes.
Last night, She wore heels to heaven with crystalised blue and purple dancing amidst bold black. They stretched Her frame to the star and made Her body sway as we waltzed the streets, Her dress a melodious expansion.
I don’t care how I looked; She looked amazing and everyone stared. Sad Fuckers.
We’re mean. We criticise everybody we see.
“Oh My God, what the fuck is she thinking?”
“Don’t you wanna just walk up behind her and…unclip it? Like, what’s the point?”
“He’d be cute if he wasn’t smoking. And wearing different clothes. But I love his shoes.”
“Is he seriously going to town in…those?”
“Those are pretty dresses.” “Yeah, but they’re on the wrong women.”
I think we might be a little superficial.
Superficial is good. Superficial is easy. I love superficial things. Clothes are superficial. Shoes are superficial. Wine and whisky are superficial. Maths is superfical.
They’re so easy to deal with. There’s nothing really to them. We pretend there is – we add so much meaning, but it’s just shadow and light, taste and quality. There’s a specific sort of complex beauty in superficial things, an appreciable beauty, a beauty that seldom causes friction, a share-able beauty.
Love isn’t superficial. Love complicates things.
I lay last night with Her wrapped in my arms and – as she snored unsoftly in my ear – I wished and longed for the night to never end. To just be there. To be cuddled close with the covers heating and the facades gone, to be raw and human and completely simple. She wore no make-up and a too large tshirt and she snored and stole blankets and she’s never been more beautiful.
I drifted asleep.
I woke, and I couldn’t help being sad, for the night had ended and I hadn’t watched it go by.
There will be another night. Another time. Another moment perhaps where I grumble blanketless, or cover ears with pillows, or sleep on the edge. Another night where I sleep so peacefully, or wake so rested. It will come, it will be here.
Just like everything else. This will change. That will get better. Those things will end. This stage too will pass. I’ll get through it. It’ll be easier then. Just one more step.
I know that. I believe it completely.
I’m just so tired of waiting.